I have been visiting a church in my 'burb - Orchard - and it has been great. Any problems I have had stem from my own hang-ups and my own faith journey.
This has been somewhat of a unique experience because every other church community I've attempted to be involved in has been filled with people I've known for years, or I've attended a new church with a gaggle of college students. I haven't yet had a true experience of being a complete stranger in an unfamiliar community.
During this experience, I caught myself acting more like a consumer than a fellow member of the body of Christ. Asking, "What's in it for me?" or critiquing petty things. I suppose I would feel justified (and wouldn't ever return) if I were to disagree with a community's stance on women or other non-negotiables. But this new community doesn't appear to have any sexists, racists, or other scary fundalegical issues. So why would I feel the need to criticize? (I think criticize is a strong word - perhaps I may mildly dislike some things).
The music style, the setup of the sanctuary, the small group options -- I've been approaching these things like a consumer. A church is not a store that you visit to buy goods and then leave. I shouldn't have to be marketed to and I shouldn't feel like my tastes are satisfied, superficially anyway. So I'm trying to set the surface-level things aside and focus on the real reason I'm there. But having the consumer mindset is so ingrained in me, I admit it might take me a while.
One possibly legitimate concern has been a humbling, learning experience, though. Having grown up and been considered a leader in church, I'm embarrassed to think how I failed in welcoming visitors. I may have introduced myself and reached out a few times, but I have a feeling I neglected to make sure newcomers felt welcomed. This morning will be my fifth visit, and I am about to desperately start introducing myself to random people. I've gotten to know one person - an incredibly sweet woman my age who struck up a conversation with me.
I don't think this issue is unique to this particular church. In fact, Relevant Magazine included "An Open Letter to American Churches" that discusses this same issue. The author, Mentanna Campbell, writes:
Please talk to me. Don't give me an inquisitive glance and then just walk away. Don't forget that visitors don't know anyone. We feel like we stick out a bit anyway. Come up to us and shake our hands. Introduce yourselves. Ask a few good questions. Nothing is worse than spending over an hour surrounded by people and not having anyone say anything to you.
Again I'm not holding anything against anyone at the new community I found because I've realized how incredibly easy it is to overlook visitors. I'll get there. I'll get to know people eventually -- I'm not too concerned. But I will take this role reversal as a lesson to keep a watchful eye for newcomers, when later I become more established in a church community.
Hi Natalie!
Stumbled across your site tonight via your Twitter profile. Nice blog by the way! Looks like we've some similar tastes in reading and music. (Love Mumford & Sons!)
I just wanted to tell you that I thought this was a great post. I really appreciate your honesty in sharing about some of your own personal struggles with church. All I can say is, "Welcome to the club!" :) Your blog post sounds like many of the conversations our team has about church, consumerism, people's mindsets about church, etc... Believe me, you are not alone in your struggle. Yet...at the same time, I think it's worth mentioning that we're extremely hopeful as well! We believe God is up to something great in our city and we're just trying to find our place in that.
I also know it can be somewhat tough trying to connect into a new church community. There are certainly a lot of things we know we can do better to help make those connections happen. Part of the challenge is trying to find the right balance when it comes to all that. (One of our staff, Larry Boatright, is taking a fresh look at how we can do better at this, but we'd love to hear any thoughts or ideas you have!)
Anyway, I mainly just wanted to say hello and tell you that I'm glad you've given The Orchard a try. We know that there's no way that one church be the "right" church for everyone, but if this seems like the type of community you believe God is calling you to be a part of, we'd be happy to help you connect and find your place in partnering with the mission of Jesus in Aurora.
Hope you have a great week Natalie!
-Scott
Posted by: Scott Hodge | May 08, 2011 at 10:41 PM
Hi Scott, thanks for stopping by and for taking the time to comment! I sincerely hope that I came across as directing any criticism toward myself in this post. That was definitely my intention!
I also shared a post from my first visit to Orchard, where I discuss a powerful apology you made that was so incredibly touching to my hard, cynical little heart. You may be interested in reading...
http://natalie.typepad.com/my_weblog/2011/03/a-meaningful-apology.html
Hope you have a great week as well and I look forward to partnering with y'all in reaching out to Aurora,
Natalie
Posted by: Natalie | May 08, 2011 at 10:55 PM